What got to me was seeing an oprah special about starving children in africa.
What got to me was seeing an Oprah special about starving children in Africa. I don’t know what triggered it, but my self-hatred turned into anger at the world and now I’m pissed. I realized that my leg weighs as much as three of those kids and it just - it just pissed me off. At the world, at myself for being so selfish, at the warlords who hold those kids food. Two days ago I was ready to lay here until a heart-attack finally got me, now I want to to fight to live. I want to lose it all and join the peace corps and just fucking do something, anything, instead of being a fat worthless piece of shit. I don’t want to be one of those people they have to cut out of the bedroom and carry off to the funeral home. Not anymore. Two days ago I didn’t care about anything or anyone. I just wanted to lie here and die. Now I care.
I don’t really know if I stand a chance, if there’s any hope for me. I do know that I don’t want to to die anymore. I want to fight to live and work off all of this bullshit I’ve stuffed into my guts over the past 20 years. That’s why I’m clapping my hands, over and over and over again. I’m eating nothing but crackers and water and I will get out of this bed and walk out of this house in the next year.
Fucking warlords.
You’ve inspired me to start a charity golf event for Africa. I think I’ll call it “Rich White Men for Poor Black Kids.”
Shouldn’t matter what size you are…from the blogs I’ve read here you have a lot of writing talent. Just hope you realize that!
Your stories are great. This is the voice in more than one fictional person’s head.