You know that urban legend about the needles in the candy?

You know that urban legend about the needles in the candy? That was me. I did that. You see he was a real fat shit. He didn’t do anything but sit around and play his stupid Nintendo. Sometimes I would try to talk to him when he was playing and he wouldn’t answer me. He just stared at the screen in a trance or something. He didn’t have any friends at school. He would come home beat up sometimes. I would try to ask him if he fought back and he wouldn’t answer. He wouldn’t say anything at all. He would just pretend that it never happened. He got shitty grades too. He didn’t do anything at all but eat candy and play his stupid video games. Bottom line? The little fat shit was just too pathetic to live.

It was the week before Halloween that I recognized my opportunity.

His mom bought a bunch of candy for the trick or treaters. She got a big orange bowl to put it in as well. The kind with a jack-o-lantern face on it. What I did was take a small syringe and break the tip off. Then I snapped it into several smaller pieces. I opened up a Three musketeers bar (the small ones, all soft and chewy – made the next part easier), just one edge and I didn’t tear the packaging. I shoved the little pieces of the needle into bar. Then I took a little bit of melted candle-wax with a pencil and sealed the opened edge. I put it back in the bowl. Me and her were supposed to hand out the candy to the kids that knocked. But I knew what would happen. He would try to eat it all before we could give any to the kids. I made sure the Three musketeers bar was on top. He loved those things. Because he didn’t really have to chew them. He would just swallow them whole.

Me and his mom were getting ready for the trick or treaters and he was playing his Nintendo right by the front door. She set the bowl down to go do something. I went into the hall where he couldn’t see me. Sure enough he went for the bowl. I turned away to breath a sigh of relief. He was finally gonna be gone. Then I heard his mom screaming his name in the living room. I waited a second and ran in to see. Sadly, he hadn’t eaten the bar. She was standing over him screaming. He was paying attention now. He was crying his eyes out. It was odd to see him like that. I was so used to seeing him be so impassive and emotionless. But when mom finally broke her cool and yelled, he cried. Wasn’t expecting that. She was yelling at him for trying to eat the Halloween candy. She was yelling and asking him what was wrong with him. He was sobbing and crying “I don’t know”. They kept up the simple conversation for a moment. Her asking what was wrong with him, why did he want to eat himself to death, why did he not do anything. Him crying, sobbing “I don’t know”. The doorbell rang.

She wiped her tears from her eyes and bent over and tried to console him. He was really crying and sobbing. She told him to go to his room and she would be up in a second they would talk. He got up and went upstairs. I was dumbfounded. I couldn’t move. She took the bowl and opened the door. A couple of pirates and one ghostbuster. She handed egon the Three musketeers bar with the needle in it. She wished them all a happy halloween and sent them off. Then she turned around and flipped off the porchlight. No more trick or treaters tonight. I went back in the hall before she could see me.

Over the next couple of weeks the kid started to show some signs of life. He would answer me when I tried to talk to him. His grades started to improve. He made a friend at school that would come over and play catch. He still got beat up but he would try to kick them in the nuts or whatever he could do. He stopped being so dead and started to live.

They never linked the bar back to me. The kid had gotten too much candy from too many places and they couldn’t figure who had given it to him. So, anyway, if you had to wait for your parents to check your halloween candy before you could eat it, I apologize. My bad.